Being married to a resident isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s definitely not a walk in the park. However, you can survive, actually no… you can thrive during this time. Here are a few tips.

1.Do not, {I repeat}, DO NOT wait on him {or her}

Do not wait on him to go to dinner. Do not wait on him to go to the theme park. Do not wait on him to go on vacation. Let me explain… If you wait, that’s all you will be doing is waiting. Waiting leads to bitterness. At lease it did for me. Plan as though he is not coming and if he does get to come it’s an added bonus. Trust me, this will save you from arguments, disappoint, and honestly bitterness.

2. Find your people

Fortunately, I lived near my family during residency. I also lived near my close friends. This isn’t always the case. If you moved for residency, you have to find your people. You won’t survive without them {Okay, that’s a bit dramatic. But seriously, life will be so much better with a support system}. Your support system will help you with afternoon pick up when your meeting at work runs late, or help watch your kids when you have an appointment. They will meet you for coffee at 10:00 pm because that’s the only time you can get away because of his crazy schedule. They will cook you warm meals when you have a new baby, or just because on a Sunday night. Surrounding yourself with your people is so crucial.

3. It’s okay to say no

This is good advice for any mom really. Buttttt, you will have to say no to some things. You simply cannot do all the things. You can’t volunteer at your kids school once a week, work a full time job, attend every book club dinner, do a bible study at church, sign up for extra committees at work for extra money, attend all the play dates. All of these things are great. But you just can’t do it all. Figure out what’s most important to you and your family and say yes to those things. Nothing else.

4. When he’s off, be with him

Protect the time that he has off. It doesn’t happen often, but when he is home BE WITH HIM {or her}. He will most likely be exhausted, so you may have to be creative. For example, family movie and popcorn night. Blow up the air mattress, build a fort, pop some popcorn. Make it fun! He may fall asleep during the movie but at least you {and your kids} are with him. Obviously, you will go to dinner with your girlfriends, or go get a pedicure every now and then but most of the time just be with him when he is home.

5. Don’t wait to live life

This goes along with don’t wait on him. Don’t plan everything for when residency is over. We will go on vacation… when residency is over. We will have kids…. when residency is over. We will get a new couch… when residency is over. Don’t do it! Residency is a huge part of your life and it must be considered but don’t let it be the driving force in all your decisions. We had our first child the fourth year of medical school. Residency interviews happened that year which meant lots of traveling but it also meant more time home at random times. We had our second child during the last year of residency because we only had enough money saved to do childcare for a few months. Make a plan and make it work. It’s a challenge and you have to be strategic {PLAN AHEAD} but you don’t have to wait to live your life.

You can do this!

Just remember, you can do hard things. Say it… I CAN DO HARD THINGS. Because let’s get real… it’s hard, really hard. I could honestly go on forever, but I’ll keep my tips at five. Keep the end goal in mind. Do not lose sight. It will be over eventually! And if you need to vent, bounce ideas off someone, or ask advice. I’m your girl {@heysarahbarlowe}!

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